The Arrogant Worms - If I Were Prime Minister If I were Prime Minister, I'd transform the land All things would be glorious, under my firm strong hand I'd enlarge Prince Edward Island, and shrink the tax on booze If I were Prime Minister, the Leafs would never lose If I were Prime Minister, French and English, would be gone There'd be no more two solitudes 'cause we'd all speak Klingon And I'd give my buddies jobs, they weren't qualified for Wait, I'm so sorry, I think that's been done before If I were Prime Minister, Canadians would tan In the Gulf of Mexico, where I'd put Newfoundland If I were Prime Minister, I would use my power To finally make the donut, our official flower And I'd make it illegal to sit and bitch and whine Though that might leave Canadians with too much spare time And I would be Prime Minister if only for one flaw I don't think that I could ever live in Ottowa If I were, If I were, If I were Prime Minister (repeat) I'd bathe in Maple syrup and I'd have a talking moose And Mounties would massage me to keep me nice and loose I'd get rid of the Queen, replace her with my cat Appointment to the Senate would be trial by combat I'd solve all the problems of this country's apparatus By granting every person, nation status I'd encourage global warming, move the jetstream further north And I'd ban all politicians, except for me of course If I were, If I were, If I were Prime Minister I'd be super great, and you'd all If I were, If I were, If I were Prime Minister love me, you'd have to, 'cause I'd make it the law